GNG OUT WITH JOLENE NG TMR!! Well, i cant celebrate her birthday with her this year, so i brought forward the birthday treat to tmr. Funny thing is i dunno what will we be doing. LOL. Opsie Daisy. hahaha. i have nth muxh to blog about recently, most of it are quite private, i prefer to write it in my diary instead.

this is to one of my close friend:
Im sorry if i hurt you, but you must have somehow realise that ive changed in some way or another, i noe we've always shared everything tgt and not neglect either party. Sth ive realised recently changed my perspective of you, well, i still love you, no doubt, but it's just that some things cant be put in words. Let me tidy my emotions, and i'll make sure the same old cherlyn will be back. worry not. i noe you are super pissed with me right now.

This is to the 2 person i love:
things are not gng your way recently, i noe, there's no need to hide, i see the room light switched on everyday, i noe what's gng on inside. I just wanna tell you that, make decisions that you wont regret, no one will foce you into sth you're not comfortable, make decisions that you think are the best for you. everyone's just tired with the long gng battle... just let go if you want, no one's gonna blame you for that.

can you see the algea on me, yes! Im rotting. Dunno what's getting in my head recently. All i wanna do is to rot at home. I dun wanna go anywhere now, nth appeals to me. Well, i wont have time to rot at home anymore when sch starts.. in 2 weeks time. it's so fast. omg... im half excited and anticipating it, half dreading it too.. oh noo. i received a letter on sat saying i can apply for scholarship, okay.. woah, that's a good thing.. but im scared that i'll be the odd one out. you see, the express kids wil be the maajority in sch while the NA ppl like me will be the minority. Dad wants me to try, im gonna try, why let the chance slip pass right? but it really worries me about me being the minority, i dun wanna be the odd one. Oh man, i miss sec sch.. dun get me wrong, i definitely dun miss the GCE O lvl part.. it's the worst part of sec sch. Right now, im worried that i'll be lost in the sch and there will be no one to guide me. LOLs.. seriously, if there's a GPS system for human, i'll will get one for myself, so that i wont get lost.. hahahaha.. it's fun getting lost, onli if you have no task on hands, just you and the world alone. that will be cool. camping next week.. hahaha..

went o SP today with Matt and Chiam to do the enrol thing,got my student card... i lokk terrible, so i shall hide it underneath my bed so no one will see it. hahahaha. Did my configuration just now with Matt.. a lot of things to do, haha. when we walked pass the classrooms (where we're suppose to configure our laptops), we tot that lessons are gng on and we darent enter. LOL!!! haha, got a feel of how it feels like to have lesson in SP. haha. Spent 2 hours plus configuring our laptops and left the sch. Can you believe i just join a camp like as in, i was inform of the camp today and i just decided to join. LOL. It's on 8-10 April at Sembawang campsite. Hope to meet some of my coursemates. Im so afraid i'll get lost, i mean what can you expect from cherlyn when she can get lost in sec sch. lol. It's a student union camp, yes, student union, no more student council. haha. It's quite cool though. Im so excited abt sch, but scared at the same time.. im scared i wont be able to socialise with ppl from my class and maybe nt adaptiing to the sch.. oh well. there's nth i can do.. i just hope for the best. LOL.

Koh JaeAnn went home alrdy.. the house is more quiet now. Wasnt able to sleep peacefully for the past 4 nights, she's difinitely a monster, no doubt. But she's adorable too.. so adorable, you dun even noe how to get mad at her. hahahahaha. she brought so much noise in the family, but also,she brought us so much joy and laughter. Bet if you see me now, you'll think you see a panda from afar, haha.

Mum: great grandma... she passed away
Me: orh
Mum: you wanna go to the wake?
Me: where?
Mum: Boon Lay
Me: *eyes wide open
Mum: *chuckles a bit* you go arrange with your aunt
My great grandma just passed away this morning, we all knew her death was imminent.We'll defintely go to the wake, but the thing is that i knw i wont cry at all, it's scary to even think abt it. Well, 6 years ago, my unlce, whom im not close to died in a construction site, i cried so hard for him, 5 years back, my grandpa died and i cried almost everyday knowing that he's someone i love most, and now, the news of my great grandma's death,i really have no feelings abt it. It's appears to me that im gonna attend a stranger's wake instead.. have i become some cold-blooded animal? i hope not, i din talk to my great grandma before, we onli meet once a year during CNY, but stop meeting each other a few years back. No matter what, she's still counted as a close relative, but it just seems so indifferent. well, if you get what i mean. I wont be gng to the TMS grand carnival given the situation like this. oh well..

Hello?? Anybody there?? I hope i can take control of the time, cos time is simply going by so slowly, i tot i'll onli turn 18 in the next 100 years... Great grandma's not in good condition, the doc says she'll be either gone this week or next. Well, maybe letting go will make things easier for everybody. Yeah, letting go. it always seem so easy to tell others to let go and say the onli solution for the problem is to let go. But it's not all so easy as it seems isnt it? there are many a times when i told myself that im ready to let go and face the journey ahead of me, i realise it din work that way like i planned. I knew i was ready, but when reality hits, i could do nothing, but just let the rivults of tears stream down my cheeks, sometimes i have to hide my tears cos i dun wan anybody to see the weaker side of me. Esp when there are ppl arnd me whom i wanna protect by all means, i dun wan them to see me break down, or mayb e, i just want them to keep onli the pleasant sight of me. Sometimes i can no longer recognise myself cos im so lost in the situation. School, i guess, is the best hide out place. A place where i can get myself busy with sch work, a place where i can forget everything but onli spend time with my friends. So many things have happened recently, some ppl might have known waht happened, but no matter how much they try to assure me that i'll be alight, i know i wont be. It's true that i want to know how's the situation, but when i know, i just hope that it's a dream, you may say that im living in constant dilemma. Everyone told me that they hope that i wont be affected, but how's that possible even thouigh i assured them that i'll stay strong. everyone knows it's not possible, i tried to be strong by smiling and getting myself immense un something, but there's nothing i can do to get the issue out of me. You can say that im forcing a strong front. I know im old enough to handle all these issues, but im just not strong enough, at least not enough to let go. No matter what happens, i'll try to hold on, though, for those ive tried so hard to help. Im created to face new endeavours, so i can pass on what ive learnt to mr future generations.